For most people at Broomfield high school it was destined to be just another day. Not for me though. At long last I had finally worked up the guts to ask out the guy I had been crushing on for the past few months.
That's right, I'm a man who's attracted to men. If you don't like it, tough.
I had been leading up to this for a while. One of the traditions that me and my friends had been doing since freshmen year (It was senior year that this was happening) was lunch at the local Wendy's every Thursday. On our last gathering before Thanksgiving, I "came out" to my friends. Sort of. See, I told them I was bi. Not cuz I didn't want to be gay, by then I was ok with it. No, it was cuz I didn't think I really was gay. Oh boy was I wrong.
Not only did I "come out" to them, but I told them who I had been crushing on for a long time. His name is Michael. Sexy, sorta caring, and out as bi to his friends(though I didn't learn that till afterwords). So they started to give me advice, and help me gather up courage, and so on. The biggest help was Heather, who has since become my closest friend.
It wasn't till after Christmas break that I finally asked him.
I knew his classes fairly well, since I see him on the way to mine every day. So, one day after second period, on what to most people was a normal day, I asked him. Dear god I was so nervous. Cuz I didn't know a lot of his friends, I didn't know that he was bi, so, to me at least, this was a huge risk. Even if he said yes, I would be out to the whole school. If he was straight, and said no, then I would have to BIG problems on my hands.
So I went up to him and started stuttering. He just stood there smiling, which actually made me MORE nervous than before. He finally stopped me and said "Calm down and just ask me already." Still smiling, of course. God he was so gorgeous. And with his bit of encouragement, I blurted out "Who you like to go on a date sometime?" And he said YES. I felt like I was floating on the ceiling the whole day.
So we went to see a movie to start. Great movie, better date. We said good night and went our separate ways for the night. Our next date was going to be bowling, but before he got to my house, my parents left for w week end trip. When he got there, I told him we should just relax in my TV room and watch a movie.
It was as we were lying on the couch watching the Golden Compass that it happened. I had my head in his lap, and we were more interested in looking at each other than watching the movie. Before I knew what happening, he leaned in and kissed me.
OH MY DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY. It was wonderful. I had kissed people before, but they had all be women. This was just beyond belief. It wasn't even a deep kiss at first, just light brushing of lips on lips, but it sent fire through my veins. When we split apart, all I could do was gap at him. He smiled the unlawfully sexy smile of his and came back in for more. This time it went further, like, tongues and everything. What I remember most now is the taste of his breath. That, and how gentle and soft his tongue was. Again, wonderful. It wasn't until that kiss, that night, that I knew I wasn't bi. I was, without a doubt, totally and undeniably GAY. FULL ON HOMOSEXUAL BABY. God, it felt good to finally be truly and fully out of the closet.
I was happy at last. I didn't even care about the insults, the hate. When dad found out, it got a little hard, but he's starting to come around. To be with someone who I was able to care about, who I was attracted to, it was worth all of it.
Nothing lasts of course. When we graduated, and we went our different ways for collage, we decided to end it. Neither of us wanted to go through a long distance relationship. So instead we are the best of friends. We have bonds stronger than most people can claim.
This world still has a lot of hate in it. There are people who would rather see me and anyone like me dead then let us be part of their "Family friendly world". But to be truly happy. To allow myself to be true to whom I am. To love someone like I loved him, even if it takes half my life to find the man to spend my life with
It's worth it. Overcoming all the bigotry, finding yourself in the most beautiful of ways, all of it leads to happiness.
And I would never, ever trade myself, my boyfriends, or anything like that just to be accepted by people who can't stand me the way I am. I'm happy, I'm gay, I'm proud. And life, despite the hardships, is good.
To be out
to be loved
to be proud... Such wondrous things.